Week 19- I can't get calm

I haven't mourned my mother the way I thought I would. I've been drinking every day, sometimes as much as a liter of 80 proof Kentucky Gentleman whiskey. On the days I haven't been able to afford liquorI've just slept,sometimes up to 13 hours a ay.

I would never commit suicide, someone would find me like I found my brother and I can't allow that.... But sometimes I think maybe if I just went to sleep one night and didn't wake up the world would be better for it.

There's an insane man running my country who spends almost all this time prosecuting petty personal grudges, while the world burns. Talking politics on Idol is always risky, but this is about the time the competition when I usually go out anyway so I might as well say what I want to say.

Even when this is over how can I teach, how can I find a romantic relationship, how can I do anything when even "I" don't want me.

I hate growing a beard, I find the damn things itchy. But it's tricky to figure out when I'm drunk enough my hands don't shake but sober enough to do a good job so I've been putting up with the itch.

Even in normal times there are people like me everywhere, how many are days away from breaking....some are hours away, sometimes if I close my eyes I think I can feel them, their sanity unraveling like a thread pulled from an old sweater.

Mother and Brother, here is my confession, I did not fight, I did not love, I just let insanity wash over me like the tide.

LJ Idol- Week 18 Glass Cliff

"Kill it, abort it...whatever words you want to use. Do it, and I will give you 60 grand, it is all I can get without my wife knowing."

I wanted to go after his eyes with fingernails, but something in his face said he might solve this problem by beating me and the baby to death bare handed, certainly his family was capable of covering it up.

"You and I are the same kind of monster, I have seen a fetal alcohol syndrome child, wore a football helmet, cause banging her head against the wall was the only kind of stimulation that really registered....well that and when she filled her diaper."

She is mine and she will be born I screamed into his evil-ass, implacable face.

"I am not sure if even millionaire philanthropists have any business bringing kids into this world,.but I wasn't kidding when I said we are wife is barren.... I can give you money maybe eventually a lot of money... But you know if you birth a live child my father-in-law will probably kill you to make his baby girl happy.... Nothing I could do about that even if I wanted to"

I could go to the police, I knew things, but his family had people on the force it was dangerous and deadly....."150,000 and I will never give anyone an inkling that it's yours.'

"You drive a hard bargain Kellybelle, I can move some money around, embezzling isn't the worst thing I have ever done, not by a long shot.....If you are gonna really have a kid, you need to stay of the junk and the sauce. Stay here.

He went upstairs...I paced around nervously but only had one glass of wine and a single cigarette.

A car parked outside and he went down to meet them. He came in with a suitcase and gave it to me. It was heavy, heavy as hell.

"By the way, I had a vasectomy, 5 years ago, good luck Kellybelle."

LJ Idol Week 17- Negative Reverse

Mom died....this is my entry...take it or leave it

When she is gone

The tastiest dish is warm cardboard dissolved to soup

Nothing matters the way it did before

The morning sun makes me roll away
The set of same is a debt to pay

Her last 15 minutes she stared at me
You asshole, do something, I can't breathe

At least, for once, I failed her only briefly
One last time

If you have something like her in your life
Mother, grandmother, husband, wife

Better cherish it while it lasts
Cause naught so perfect ever lasts

LJ Idol Week 16- The Streisand Effect

THANOS- You have tried your best Avengers, but now your time is up. I have the Infinity Gauntlet and I am about to snap half of the universe into Oblivion. Bringing all things into balance.

SCARLET WITCH- Perhaps or perhaps not Thanos, there is one hero you have yet to account for.....Superman!

THANOS- Hah! The anal retentive Comic Book Nerds will never allow you to import a hero from DC Comics into a Marvel Movie.

SCARLET WITCH- Not DC's Superman....but I have altered the time bring in Barbara Streisand from her Superman album cover shoot.

THOR- Verily, she is one hot mama.

THANOS- Have a care Thunder God, you speak of my stepmother.

HULK- Hulk would SMASH!

THANOS- I will smash you, out of existence.

STREISAND SUPERMAN- Joshua!!! Why don't you introduce me to your friends.

THANOS- I am working to eliminate half of the Universe.

S.S- Oi, and you haven't even given a thought to what it will do to your poor shrit muter's album sales.

IRON MAN- Wow, I mean I love Pepper, but oh you kid.

VISION- I am starting to lose control of my density, if you know what I mean.

PRINCE T'CHALLA- All of Wakanda knows once you go Black Panther, you never go back.


BLACK WIDOW- In that case, maybe Thanos should have two mommies!

THANOS- Curse you all....I am getting out of here.

(THANOS disappears and the world is saved)

SCARLET WITCH- Great job guys, pretending to be super attracted to his step mother when she was younger.

(Vision quietly turns

LJ Idol Week 15- Busman's Holiday

300 from the left wing
300 from the right wing
300 top of the key
300 right corner 3's
300 left corner 3's

First day his new stepdaddy moved in. He beat the living shit out Rodderrick, make sure the young baller didn't get any wrong ideas about who the man of the house was. Mom was too high to care.

Free school breakfast
Free school lunch
Coaches gave snacks
Trainer pretended to believe the stories of how he had picked up the bruises in pick up games.

They laughed at him when it was his turn to read out loud. But he never had to cheat or depend on coaches to keep him eligible.

Running up and down the hill, suicides, burpees, work in the weight room
400 from the left wing
400 from the right wing
400 top of the key
800 corner 3's

His stepdad beat him bloody the day before the bi-district championship game. Kid went 18 for 24...with one eye, on one leg.

His girlfriend, Kelly, didn't care that he was a star, she cared that he was kind. (But the athletic body was a plus)

Rodderrick, didn't care that Kelly was a cheerleader, he loved that she was smart (but the full fridge and place to go when mom and stepdad were crazy was a plus)

One and done at Michigan State, not always looking over his shoulder for a beating...learning sets that weren't all about getting him the ball.

His practice habits still legendary.
Miss even a couple open J's and give scouts a chance to remember 6'4 is small for The Association

Drafted 11th overall by the Orlando Magic, Kelly told him Orlando was beautiful, nice and warm.

LJ Idol Week 14- Barn Razing.

We know precious little of the Eaters of Mayonnaise (Also known to some Anthropologists as The Unseasoned Ones). Their Tribal Chiefs mostly lost to history, We know at one point under Chee-Toe there was a rivalry with another tribal leader named Bar-ack, But the reasons are lost to time.

We know they had almost exclusively female shamans, known as the Ka-Ren (who's status was marked by a particular styling of their hair) and while their Gods were harsh Capitalist ones that did not normally deign to intervene on their behalf, The EOM fervently believed that with a special offering called greenbacks... Their prayers would be answered. The Ka-Ren worked symbiotically with a special priest class open to both sexes called Mungers or Mangera
to lobby their Gods for favor.

The warrior caste was fierce including legendary warriors such as the Ooh-Rahs. The most effective fighters of their time, most of their time was spent protecting and aquiring a substance now lost to time. We believe it to have been called oil but what the EOM used it for, we cannot say.

Other sacred rituals.involved moving machines festooned with the symbology of some of their Gods quickly and in circles,and something to do with the skin of a pig and a grid made of iron.
Led by Bobi-Ray's and Quata-Bacs.

At one point the EOM were probably the most powerful of tribes, but their descendents were absorbed into more forward thinking peoples.

The records we have from
scholars from around that time seem to indicate individual EOM showed great things, but the tribe is not missed.

LJ Idol Week 12- Fan Death

I had gambled away the money I promised her and the rent money too just for shits and giggles.

She came to the door and hit me hard... My jaw rattled and I spat blood. She drank Taaka vodka and ended up on the edge of my bed...her panties in her mouth, while I tried to screw her doggie with a half hard cock. We eventually ended up on the bed laying side by side..... Watching girls finger themselves which happened to be both our favorite porn.

I lived in a post orgasm stupor until I heard her vomiting, and vomiting..... And drinking more vodka to compensate for what she had just thrown up. I got up and turned on the fan...... Tried to hide the rest of the handle but she must of opened her eyes a little bit to see me. .....Of course I should have poured it out...but drunks like me don't think like that. Fan clicks off,.more puking and drinking, puking and drinking

I call 911....nobody sober in my apartment to take her to the hospital....she hears the phone and panics....I hear her battered old white F-150 start. Sat in my bed screaming into my hands hoping the boys in blue would get her alive.

For 6 hours I sat rocking, her mother, all of 12 years my senior, called me. You don't deserve to know this, but she is alive, the cops caught up to her on 288. She hates you, you know.

LJ Idol Week 12 Failure

(In the interest of a writing experiment I am going to see what ANGRY DRUNK FULLY wants to say....I have only had one drink out of a possible whole liter of Kentucky Gentleman. Obviously all the trigger warnings because I have no idea what will come out. See you in about 4 hours.)


Letting all the people know... that I'm back to run the show. Mark Morrison- Return of the Mack

It's the ice blue eye of insanity, it's a place most never see.- Michael Fucking Sembello


Holy shit he really is going to let me come out to play. Ya'll know there is a reason he almost never goes to bars any more. Anyway he pussed on the 4 hour thing because he had a mandi-sleep.....but I assure you I am in charge....I can tell because of ClearSpit (TM). Define ClearSpit? O.k lots of guys feel the need to spit in public...Chewing tobacco...poor breeding whatever. Fat boy spits pure saliva when I am in charge. It is meant to protect his mouth from fills his mouth after every strong drink. O haven't let him lose mother alcohol in that fashion in 6 years....but I guess the mouth fill thing is a reflex.

O.k,, seriously, you should vote him out this week. If you knew how many of you mommy bloggers, diarists and people on here he wants to screw, it would appall you. I mean I keep you safe by insuring most times he can't get it up without the help of a crane.

There are actually several of you of both sexes he admires. Weirdly, he thinks you know who you I don't care as long as you don't interfere with my program.

Fully hasn't thrown a punch in anger in more than a decade....I swear if he let me take charge more often I would smash heads against rocks...on the monthly.

The deal with homeboy is he feels, oh so wronged, oh so often. He is fat,old and ugly and he wants women to like him, so he buys shit for them....and then when the gift-money dries up so does the feigned affection-. Shocked, I tell you shocked...bring Bogie his winnings.

Some of you are going to call bullshit....he isn't THAT drunk spelling and grammar are decent. Do you know who that fucking worm is? I share a body with him, but I am not impressed by his parlor magic, you shouldn't be either.

O.k. I am Drunk Fully and this is my TED vote him out so I can get down to business.

The creek don't rise

Here we are at Mueller's Creek. Are you sure boy? You want to shoot it out with a known killer like me because of words?

Honestly, son the booze and age have shot my reflexes. I got a lot more experience than you..... Paul Nadalin, Tom Thompson, Ray Hill, Johnny Zigler....

Some of those names mean something to you.....well they all should just not yet......

We go on sure you want to have one of us die? Over words?

If you don't kill me someone else will. I am resigned to it....are you ready to die... boy.

O.k. I will count it off....1....2

Then I shot laser pistol dissolving him to nothing. I saw the look of disgust on his face before it melted.

Yes, I cheated....because I was facing the one man I couldn't best. My younger self. I turned the simulator off.